I have 19 days of schools left. After that comes Uganda, New Orleans, Colorado, and then Waco. My summer schedule is set. After that, the future gets way more murky. I have no idea what I will be studying or what career path I will be on next fall. This is scary. It’s something that I want to fix right now. I want to just choose something so I don’t have to keep telling people that my major is undecided while everyone else I know seems to have it all figured out. They might not even know what school they are attending but they know what they will study. I could let it get to me, and sometimes it does. I dwell in it, stare into the murky future and try to figure it all out like it’s one of those pictures that you stare at long enough and finally see that it’s a woman’s face, not saxophone player.

It’s not one of those though. It’s something that is going to take time, prayer, and patience to discover. The question right now isn’t “what am I going to do with my life?” The question is “Do I trust God enough that following Him is enough?” Do I trust him enough to not worry about the future, to be in the moment, and trust that when I need to start making these decisions, He is going to be there. And do I trust Him enough to know that his Word, the people I look to for wisdom, and His guidance will be more than enough to make a wise decision about my future vocation? If the answer to those questions is yes, I have incredible freedom to be where I’m at, to live in the moment, to enjoy these last few weeks of high school, and, stealing a phrase from my cousin’s blog, let love fly like crazy.

There’s bigger questions also.

I wonder why
The good man dies, the bad man thrives
And Jesus cries because he loves em’ both

We’re all cast-aways in need of ropes
Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope
In a house of mirrors full of smoke
Confusing illusions I’ve seen

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by

Farther along I’ll know the answers to the little and big questions.